The Identity Test is to help you start thinking through who you are and what your Purpose is; it should be completed after the final 1-2-1 session. It’s you Map to start building your future. Don’t worry too much about getting the answers absolutely right; its about doing the thinking!
Now that you’ve begun dealing with your issue and your attention is shifting towards the better, more fulfilling future, it’s time to explore what changes you wish to make in your life. The following 50 questions, adapted from Psychologies Magazine, are designed to help you think through 4 important parts of your overall identity moving forward: 1.Your relationship with others. 2. Your newfound Self Esteem. 3. Your attitude to Life. 4. Your ability and desire to manage change.
Coming to Winning Minds is a turning point in your life; it is well worth taking some time to think about the changes you’ve made since the first approach and how you’re now going to make the most of your life. This questionnaire is designed to help you do that.
Identity Test 1: Relationship Identity
Choose a statement below that represents your view for each sentence and put the score (1-5) at the end of the sentence and then total them up by letter right at the bottom, according to whether the statement starts with S, R, P or C.
- Not important to my sense of self
- Slightly important to my sense of self
- Quite important to my sense of self
- Very important to my sense of self
- Extremely important to my sense of self
S. Relationships with those close to me are….
R. The impressions I make on others are….
P. My personal values and morals are….
C. My religion is….
S. Intimate connection with another is….
R. How popular I am is….
P. My language and dialect or accent is….
C. Sharing peak experiences with friends is….
S. My emotions and feelings are….
R. My possessions are….
P. My race or ethnic background is….
C. My sense of uniqueness is….
S. My desire to deeply understand my partner is….
R. Pride in my nationality is….
P. My dreams are….
C. My body image and appearance are….
S. Being a good friend is….
R. Being part of my family is….
P. My thoughts and ideas are….
C. My reputation is….
Total S’s….Total R’s….Total P’s….Total C’s….
Look at the relevant section below according to what is your highest category score above, S, R, P or C
Social Identity (S)
Highest Score: Relationships with others govern your life; your identity is dependant on what others think of you. You’re good at getting on with others and creating strong friendships.
Your Strengths: You are a real people person and work hard on relationships. Having friends about is important to you and good for your wellbeing.
Your Weaknesses: You can worry too much about what others think of you. You feel shame easily and worry about people finding your vulnerabilities
Low Score: Being happy with who you are is important, but there’s a risk of alienating people. It’s also important to enjoy being part of a group. You may need to express more interest in others
What defines you: I’m popular at work: my friends need me
Relational Identity (R)
Highest Score: You see yourself in terms of your close relationships and want to share yourself with those close to you. Real intimacy is important to you and you need to deeply understand partners or close friends.
Your Strengths: You enjoy being close to others and having strong relationships. Superficial links are not enough for you and you work hard at mutually supportive relationships.
Your Weaknesses: You might be vulnerable to losing your real self in your relationships, by being too externally referenced. The relationships need to work both ways!
Low Score: You may be liable to see yourself as an island…impenetrable. You boast that you don’t get upset over relationships. Human relationships are closely related to health and wellbeing, so it may be worth opening yourself up to others.
What defines you: Your relationships, your partner, your friends, your family.
Personal Identity (P)
Highest Score: Your sense of who you are is reflected in your ideas and dreams. You’re influenced strongly by your emotions and thoughts. Your private self is who you really are. You are reflective and have a strong sense of values.
Your Strengths: You have real integrity, don’t rely on the opinions of others and feel no great need to conform. Your behaviour socially is guided by your values.
Your Weaknesses: It is possible to have a strong sense of self but feel distant from others. Look at creating carefully selected and mutually beneficial relationships.
What defines you: Quite simply your values
Collective Identity (C)
Highest Score: Your roots are important to you and you have a strong sense of nationality, which can be very grounding. In some cultures, collective identity is extremely highly valued.
Your Strengths: You are unlikely to be self-orientated and have a deep connection with others in your group, giving a real sense of security.
Your Weaknesses: Being too closely tied to a group can lead to a belief that personal change is difficult, which the very things that give you security could tie you down. Don’t miss opportunities for relationships outside the group.
Low Score: There’s a definite risk of alienating others and so limiting your opportunities for growth. Look for interest groups e.g. sports, local activities.
What defines you: Your “memberships”: I’m British, I’m a woman.
Identity Test 2: Your Self Esteem Identity
Choose a statement below that represents your view for each sentence and put the score (1-5) at the end of the sentence and then total the score up at the bottom.
- Not at all like me
- Not much like me
- Neither one way or the other
- Quite like me
- Very like me
- My sense of worth is governed by my success at work….
- I like myself better when I live up to my ideals….
- I feel better about myself when someone says I look good….
- I feel dissatisfied with myself when I don’t live up to my own expectations…,
- What I think what others think or say about me is hugely important….
- I feel better about myself if others like and accept me….
- My self worth depends on how physically attractive I look….
- Living up to others’ expectations of me is really important….
29-40: Your feelings of self worth can fluctuate. If things are going well, then you feel OK. Feeling good depends on whether your behaviour reflects your worthiness criteria, which could be sporting or work success, or being attractive physically. If you don’t get positive comments from others, your self esteem drops. Maintaining self esteem can be all-consuming, so decoupling your feelings of self worth from external conditions would make you feel happier.
23-28: You have a pretty good sense of self esteem, but it can be shaken by everyday things. You may set your sense of value externally to some degree, being somewhat concerned about what others think. What specifically that knocks you off your perch? Not doing well at work, feeling overweight or unattractive for the day? Accepting yourself for who you are will work wonders.
8-22: Your feelings of self worth are not too affected by external conditions. You may have a great or a poor sense of self worth, but it is consistent. A healthy sense of self esteem is where what others think or what happens to you doesn’t influence how you feel about yourself.
Identity Test 3: Your View on Life
Choose your favourite statement below for each question (1-12) and ring the letter (S, R, P or C) in front of it which represents your view. Then total up each letter (S, R, P or C) at the bottom of the exercise, to find out your preferred view on life.
- What gets you out of bed in the morning?
T: A yearning for new experiences
C: Something you hope will happen today
D: You have to earn money
S: You’re keen to get something finished at work
- Something you’ve been working on might not happen:
C: You give up
D: It doesn’t matter
S: You focus everything on making it work
T: You see what’s going wrong and see what you can change
- Your aim in life is to:
D: Avoid problems
T: Be yourself
S: Succeed in doing what you want
C: Follow the path mapped out for you
- Which represents your view to life best?
C: Life’s a bed of roses
T: Life’s beautiful
D: Life’s a daily grind
S: Lust for Life
- The first thing you do when you wake up is:
S: Gather your strength
T: Take a deep breath
C: Have a look at the weather
D: Bury your head in the duvet
- Your listening to a great explorer tell their story:
C: You’re in awe
S: You admire their strength and stamina
T: You very curious
D: You think aren’t some people’s lives exciting
- Life is:
S: A struggle
C: Following pre-laid tracks
D: A journey down a long tunnel
T: A voyage of discovery
- If there’s an obstacle in front of you, you:
T: Wonder what to do
S: Blast straight through it
D: Gently squeeze past it
C: Wait for it to go
- Somebody’s receiving their Lottery cheque. You think:
D: It’ll never happen to me
C: They’re lucky
S: I’ve worked for my money
T Get me on the programme
- Somebody tells you there life’s not worth living. You:
T: Tell them to cheer up
S: Tell them to fight back
C: Tell them everything always works out
- Your horoscope tells you’ll meet a new love soon. You think:
C: I’ll wait for them to come along
S: I’ll choose when I find love
D: That’s just nonsense
T: I hope it’s very soon
- On New Year’s Eve you think:
C: What’s in store next year
T: What a brilliant year that was
D: Another year bites the dust
S: Got to keep my head down
Total T….Total C….Total D….Total S….
Mostly C’s: You’re guided by Fate
You’re curious about life has in store for you; all you need to do is follow the path that life has mapped out for you. No point in forcing things, just go with the flow. You can remain calm in the face of challenges and are confident that the future will work out. However, just letting things run their course can mean you miss out on opportunities. Set some goals for what you want out of life and take action. You need to find a balance between letting fate run its course and taking an active part in your own life.
Mostly S’s: You control your Destiny
You’re driven by success; you probably set yourself challenging goals and don’t give up until you’ve achieved them. Only the fittest survive. You won’t allow anyone to knock you or put you down. But ask yourself is it old wounds from the past, when life was hard, that drive you? Are you flogging yourself to get justice? Don’t pursue success at the expense of happiness. Make sure your energy is going into something that will make you happy
Mostly T’s: You live for the Love of Life itself
Life’s simply about the joy of living and that’s what you do. You have an insatiable desire to forge ahead and make new discoveries. You’re fine with change and you run your life actively and creatively. You have a solid sense of identity, which allows you to attend to the needs of others. You get the most out of everything, but retain a childlike wonder of the world.
Mostly D’s: You’re just going through the Motions:
You don’t really know what you want and tend to live life on autopilot. You don’t necessarily actively dislike your life, but you don’t feel you can control it and don’t really believe in idyllic happiness and wellbeing. Your confidence has clearly taken a knock. But you really want to get active, so take time to reconnect with the excited and fearless child within you. Stop living life on autopilot and start working on the things you want.
Identity Test 4: Managing Change
Choose a statement below that represents your view for each sentence and put the score (1-5) at the end of the sentence and then total them up by letter right at the bottom.
- Your house is too small. Would you:
S: Make do for as long as possible….
C: Get anxious; it’s a huge decision….
T: Start planning the move for the future….
D: Rush off to the estate agent….
- Your partner proposes marriage. Would you:
C: Panic and worry about what could go wrong….
D: Say yes and wonder why it’s taken so long….
T: Ask for time to think….
S: Say you prefer things as they are….
- Someone you trust says you should try a new look. Would you:
D: Make a hair appointment and arrange a shopping trip with a friend….
S: Feel offended….
C: Feel you’d like a change, but suspect you’ll always go back to your normal look….
T: Look through some magazines and make an appointment with a personal shopper….
- Your partner’s just made you look silly in front of your friends. Would you:
C: Laugh it off….
T: Suggest getting some relationship counselling….
S: Say nothing and hope they see their mistake….
D: Demand they change immediately or you’ll walk….
- You have a new boss: Would you:
D: Suggest a meeting to introduce yourself….
C: Avoid them and keep your head down….
T: Think through the changes you’d like to discuss in preparation….
S: Think more unwanted change….
- You’re offered a promotion which means moving. Would you:
S: Reject it; you’ll never move from your home town….
T: Ask for time to research the new town/city….
C: Feel you should accept the promotion but be wary about making new friends….
D: Say yes immediately, excited about the challenge….
- You’ve lost your job. Would you:
D: Get another job no matter what….
T: Look for another job no matter how long it takes….
C: Feel devastated and take your time beginning your job search….
S: Keep in touch with the company hoping to get your job back….
- You hit it off with your friend’s guest at a party. Would you:
D: Suggest meeting for coffee soon….
T: Check them out with friends before starting a friendship….
S: Think you’ve got too many friends already….
C: Worry that they might not find you interesting enough for another meeting….
Mostly S’s: You dislike change
You spend a lot of time and energy keeping things the same. You’re likely to stay in your home town with the friends you grew up with. Change is disruptive but without it we shrivel up. Your dislike of change may have grown into your work or home life; you might stay in an unhappy relationship because you can’t face life on your own. If you don’t change, others around you will and leave you behind.
If your first reaction to change is avoidance then plan small, incremental changes and learn to cope. Where does your dislike of change and the desire to hang onto what you know come from? Knowing will help you grow and deal with change more easily.
Mostly C’s: You worry about change
You find change uncomfortable and tend to think the worst. Worrying moves you away from your goal. Learn to relax, allow your self esteem to rise and know that it is possible to cope with pretty much anything life throws at you. Spend time planning what would be good change.
If there’s a change coming up, take time to visualise a good outcome: for example, how well that new job’s worked out and how many new friends you’ve made…just the small step of the interview first.
Mostly T’s: You like to plan for change
You know change is a necessity but like to understand its implications and plan ahead. You love working towards deadlines and goals. However, sometime’s life’s not like this; don’t turn opportunities down because you want more time to plan. Sometimes we have to leap.
Introduce more spontaneity into your life; don’t do any planning for the next weekend; don’t plan every last minute. Let your gut and your instinct take a greater role. You need a balance of head and heart
Mostly D’s: You love change
If there’s not enough change, then you have to stoke things up! Change is a way of life for you and sometimes you may even come across as unsympathetic, as you can’t see what everyone else worries about. You may sometimes lose people if they don’t see the need for change. It can be exciting and spontaneous to embrace change at the drop of a hat, but no planning can take its toll on relationships.
At work, it would be useful to have in your team people who plan and put processes in place to take advantage of your love of change, allowing your ideas to happen without stressing others out.
Now summarise in 25 of your own words the summary of your highest scoring section in each exercise:
- Your Relationship Identity
- Your Self Esteem Identity
- Your View on Life
- Managing Change
Your top 3 Values from the Values Exercise:
In 50 words total, answer the following questions: So what does this say about you? Who are you? What will you change going forward?